I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
