hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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