dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
