I think I won the penis lottery.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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