I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
