I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the condom got lost in my hair
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bring me that man meat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
