he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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