it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
