I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dicks are not precious.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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