he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize