So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can I color on your dick again?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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