You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
