I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
