Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize