I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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