Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
