i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
