I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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