He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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