Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there's paper in my vomit.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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