I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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