The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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