come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
