No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize