3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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