Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
