My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Im part way to drunk.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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