I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
