I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
