I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
