And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
