You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
