I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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