your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
