Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
