Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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