The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
