Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It's never too late to be topless.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
