I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
