I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
