Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
