so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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