is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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