my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
