Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
