somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
