We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
