he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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