I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
