Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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