He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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