Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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