he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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