i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
