honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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