You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
cat food counts as protein by the way
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
