I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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