Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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