there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
