Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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